Jason W. Kemble Sr.

Odd Happenings

2009-02-24T21:35:00.005-07:00

Just when you think things are getting better ugh. Well today I found out my brother would not be selling me his older car. In some ways I'm happy that it fell through because it is an older car and I wanted something bigger for me and my babies to cruise around in. This Friday I will be picking them up and we'll go out somewhere to eat and maybe to a movie I always enjoy taking them out and treating them. One time my oldest son said to me "Dad why do you always take us out to eat and do things with us" and I said it's because I love you and that is what a dad is suppose to do. Meaning treat his kids nice and show love and affection in one way or another. I am glad they noticed I like to be with them and do things for them it made my day. I have other options in finding a car which is nice.

Another weird thing today that happened at work is that there was a disagreement with one of our tenured teachers to do secretarial work. She was opposed to doing it and I wasn't sure what to say about all of it. I guess from the current economical crisis that the nation is experiencing we are seeing cutback in all areas it has begun to affect education as well. All I know is it scared me to think that we got rid of secretary and now our school needs to use us in places where hole need to be filled. So I boogied on home and re-did my resume and sent it out to about 10 jobs for next year just to be safe. My mom always tells me to have a back up plan and surprising out of all the jobs that are open their are like 10 health jobs what a who would have thought plays towards my advantage since I'm a certified health teacher. I just don't want to be pushing a broom next year and doing odd and ends jobs to keep my job. Not that that isn't an honorable job but I want to pursue my passion and that is working with students.

I started back on my work out this week it is slow going starting all over again. I feel like I am starting from the begining, but it felt good to go jogging today and do my chest and stomach. In about 2 weeks I should be where I was again and move on form there. I also started reading again and praying with real intent tomorrow I hope to call the temple and ask to be put on the prayer roll. So it seems like things are coming back together again it felt like I fell off the boat there for a bit which I did but now I am back.

I also contacted some companies about working on my debt and am in the process of getting that taken care of what a relief that will be when it is all taken care of and that monkey is off my back. My credit will go back up and I will just have one payment to make every month which is fine with me.

Another happening was one of the women (Ashley) who left my life decided to finally come and visit. Well it didn't last long she decided to exit my life again but it was nice to see her a couple of times I'm just glad/happy we talk, as pitful as that sounds I don't have alot of social life right now with no car and all so it was very good to see her. I really didn't like how we ended things last time it was sad. Even though it is bitter sweet that she has decided not to see me again I am happy at least she knows I am here for her to talk to or text and for support if she ever wants it. I know she has enough people around her with friends and family and all but at least I'm there for her as much as I can be.

Well it has been an eventful day to say the least with all these things it really does help me to blog about my life and to think about them and if this helps anyone in anyway then I am doing something good and that is what I hope to feel my life with.

Some of The Things I'm Thankful For

2009-02-22T17:34:00.003-07:00

This week has been a blah week for me I was sick all week long ugggghhh. It started last Thursday and is just letting up today. I didn't do anything except try to get better by sleeping in, fluids, meds, staying in (<---oh wait I do this everyday anyway). I was pretty bummed out, I couldn't go running, my whole routine was messed up in the morning. So instead of complaining a lot I decided to write a some of the things I am thankful for.

Well first an foremost I'm thankful for my God who blesses me with the opportunity to come to earth and learn about life and to learn about love, mistakes, hurt, loss, pain, forgiveness, obedience, the seasons of the year, the sunrise, sunset, waterfalls, the beach, taking walks with my kids, being able to taste yummie foods, sweets, smell good smells. I'm thankful for my parents, friends, education, feeling the spirit, not so much feeling the lack of it but it has happened, my weaknesses, marriage, my brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents, my job, rest, fun activities, good movies, good music, those who pray for me, care for me, listen to me, for Brent and Cheryl opening their door to me. For this time in my life so I can be apart of my babies lives and watch them all grow and the opportunity to be better myself, to learn and grow as a person myself. Other things are traveling, flying in a plane, being able to snowboard, ski, teach, counsel kids, to walk, jog, breath, think and act for myself.

Yes I have a lot to be grateful for sometimes I forge cause of weeks like this. It has been testing but as I look back it helped me to be grateful for I have and can do and will continue to do better.

Some of My Thoughts Today

2009-02-15T07:21:00.013-07:00

Lately I have been pondering a lot of things and it has been very good for me to say the least. This just so happens to be one of those things that has been wondering around in my small noodle that I try to call a brain. As I go through these thoughts with you think about my background and what I bring to the table and maybe it might help you to see things from my perspective, if possible. Well let me point them out, okay let me back up with some type of disclaimer first for all my avid readers out there which is 2 people . I know this will get to my kiddos someday soon. The first saying that comes to mind is a scripture I think it goes something like this "Matthew 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. The next is "People in the Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones". The last is "to know someone you have to have walked a mile in their shoes".

Now a little about own background. For the past year or so looking back on my life it seemed like I was always on the go, going from point A to Z and everywhere in between allllllll the time! Flying (not literally) here and there visiting, stopping in, saying hi, and so forth so just kinda every where, but no where really important. Except to see my kids, their birthdays, dinner with them, soccer games. I also drove to church, went to visit my family and to school.

Recently though I have been grounded I know a couple of my most avid readers will agree this has been a very good thing for me (you know who you are and I can just picture You shaking your head YES, am I right? especially my Lissie Pooh). What happened to me that grounded me, is my car stopped working, which in hindsight has been a true blessing for me. It has humbled me to depend on other people, given me time to think about myself and what is best for me and my situation and those whom I love. It has given me time to slow down and think about what is really important in life. I have come back to myself it has been a slow process, but has been totally worth it(Thank you God). I have taken time to go for walks, jog, push up, stomach crunches, leg lifts and so forth, read scriptures, read "The Miracle of Forgiveness", pray, call the temple prayer roll, come up with ideas for more education and to network with people, think about bills and what I can do to pay them. It has given me time to think about what type of relationship I want in the future, what qualities I should posse when that time comes and what qualities I am looking for in a woman.

Now the good things that have come from this some of them are the same. Even though it sounds like I was being some what forced to change or to see things differently. I really was pondering my life an what I needed to do better before my car incident. I was so down in the dumps and as Lisa puts it I had reached my rock bottom. I had finished my degree (no one can take your education from you its on paper and in your mind), was and am making decent money it will just get better (money is only temporal and can't buy happiness), but I was still at rock bottom spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally it was like the lights were on but no body was home remember this was just two months ago. Some of my thoughts were I could could take a step back and go home to Oklahoma again, I could give into rock bottom and keep going even further into my slump and get really messed up, or I could look for newer/better opportunities to change my thinking, my way of being and try my best to come back to myself again and a new beginning. I thought about about my babies faces (Jason, Justus, Jewel, My baby of my babies Autumn), I thought about Lisa and all the conversations we had and how she has helped me, I thought about my brother telling me to go back to church and find myself again he told me this is where he saw me most happy and most productive and this is where I could help our family the most. I thought about what my grandmother told me. She said I had worked to hard and to long to just give up and do nothing with my life and I should come back and finish what I had started. I thought about my little mom and how she was doing what she was doing with less than what I ever had. I thought about my dad and the path he has chosen. I thought about the example I could be to my kids, students, family, friends life. I thought about how tough my childhood was. I thought about all that was going on around me and inside of me. I thought why God put me here and gave me the life I had not the just the hard parts. Then I realized how he had literally picked me up when I needed him the most

So what I decided to do was to get down on my knees and pray just not any prayer I mean I was at the very bottom looking up and if your not serious if your at the bottom then why do it at all cause you'll just sink again. I started reading scriptures, going back to church full time, talking to my bishop, calling the temple prayer roll, making an honest effort at every part of my life whether it was work, school, reading, exercise, my relationships with my babies, family, friends, Mindi, Lisa , Ashley, my dad, mom and so forth. Now remember it has only been two months so things will get better as time goes on.

I don't recall saying this process has ever been easy to say the least. but it has always been totally worth it since I started. I have lost out on some key relationships like Lisa/Ashley/Cassie and Karen all quality women. I have lost friends, who I thought were my friends. I have had to distant myself from family till I can be stronger. I have moved in with people that I didn't know and had to trust them and rely on them and our lord. In hopes that things would work out for my good and they have. In final of this thought again I just want to say thank you to all those people who have helped me and have made a difference and were there for me when i needed them the most. I just want all them to know I'm going to be okay and I am back on the path to happiness. I know God put me here for a reason not sure what the reason is but I am living my life so that I can fulfill whatever it is.

A Letter To My Boys.

2009-02-10T21:12:00.015-07:00

Recently it was my second son Justus's Birthday he was born on February 5Th, 2002. So I thought I would put together a letter for him and my oldest son Bubzy or Jason Wynn Kemble Junior. I haven't done this before so this is new to me, but I feel it is important so bare with me through my first letter boys, okay so here we go.

I never thought I would be so proud to be a father and have the fullest of joys enter my heart, just being around both of you fills me something that nothing else can give me, and that is love unconditionally for others and the wanting the best for their well being and lives. I wasn't raised the same as you I went though some very hard times. I'm going to talk about these hard times so you know me a little better. When I was younger I can remember going through several tough experiences some of which are. My mom and dads separation, I only met my dad on two occasions from the time I was 3 till I was 17. There were no fond memories of him except that I knew he was somewhere out there and I carried his name and he was and is my dad. I guess deep down inside I prayed that he would come back some day and be apart of my life and my brothers and sister Leah's life, and he did and my prayers were answered (Thank you God). This is why I come to see you as often as I can and I feel the way I do about you well at least one of the reasons. Now I just have to make a way to go see my little other princess in Texas. Other things I can remember growing up were being sent off at the age of 5 to a Bureau of Indian Affairs boarding school in Anadarko, Oklahoma, this place was called Concho Indian School. My mom and dad weren't around so my grandmother couldn't handle all of us so she decided to ship us off to this boarding school. At this boarding school I met some of the toughest kids in the world. I had to physically fight to prove myself and that is just how it was, reminds me of the movie 300. I knew nothing at all I wish I would have never had this experience in my life, if I could change it and take it back I would. I look at the both of you and am glad your mom and I love you so much that we would never let anything like this happen to you. No child should ever have to be sent off like this, it's to bad it still happens to this day with many children who have no parents. I remember having to go through 2 homeless shelters one in Ponca City, Oklahoma and the other in Wichita, Kansas. I can still remember the dim lighting the cots that everyone slept on and the terrible smell of men who didn't bathe. I didn't talk about this experience for years until one day I decided to talk to your uncle Steven about it. He told me he even remembered the pattern of the tiles on the floor that was the first time and last time I talked about this experience with anyone because of how sad and depressing it was for me. My older brother Steven and I through all these hard times, all we had was each other. Some people judge him because of the life he lives, but I will never judge him because I have never walked in shoes and don't know what it is like to be the oldest son and to go through all that he did. In thinking of this I'm glad you two have each other and are close I know there is a reason God sent you two together just two years apart. My brother and I were so tight that every night he would stay out late and play way past dark. I would go to bed, but every night with out fail I would get up and go find him or he would find me and we would always sleep together cause only we could trust each other. Many times we would sleep in rooms that were cold with broken windows, we would cover our head with a sheet and breath under the sheet and put our backs together to stay warm or he would put his arm and leg over me and keep me warm through the night this is how we made it through allot of cold winter nights. In the winter my grandmother would tell me and your uncle Steven to go cut wood so our family would be warm for through the night. I can remember being so cold sometimes that I my hands would freeze and I couldn't even hold the saw anymore, sometimes I would be so cold and numb I would fall backwards into the snow and your uncle Steven would walk over, pick me up out of the snow and give me his coat, and finish cutting all the wood on his own while I warmed up, then he would drag me and the wood on a sled home so we could use it in our fireplace so everyone could stay warm for the night except for us we had to sleep in the back room. I want you both to know I love my older brother as much as a brother could love a family member in this world because of all the things we went through and many ways he literally lifted me up when I needed him to. I will always be eternally grateful for him that God blessed me with an older brother like your uncle Steven. It is through this love I have for him that I knew there is a God. How could God sent us to this earth without giving us the opportunity to be with our families forever. I know your mom and baby Autumns mom understand this through there love for our babies. I can remember only on one occasion talking to your uncle Steven about our love for one another because I just had to know if he did I guess I already knew but I just wanted to hear it from him. On one of the cold nights I remember asking him if he liked me and he said yes and he asked me if I liked him and I said yes. We both knew that what we were asking is if we loved each other and we did, since that time we have never said we loved each other since, but just always knew without a doubt I would hope you two would have this same type of love for each other and our Heavenly Father and Jesus cause sometimes you will be all alone and he will be the only one to lift you believe me I know this from personal experience. No matter what may be fall you in this life stick together and let each other know you love one another and always pray to God and let him know you love him for all the blessing you wil recieve in this life. It is getting late I will fill you in later with more parts of my life and some of the things I went through. I just want you both to know I love you very very much and you are the angels that God sent to me so I could help you through this life even though you may not think of you are helping me to be better as well my little motivators you are. I want you to also Know I will always be there for you like my older brother was for me to help carry the load and if you ever need someone to talk to please talk to me. Your dad has been through allot and understands allot. I will always be grateful for both of you and your sisters please know I love you all equally and will always be apart of your lives.

Love,

Dad

Forever and Ever

Hello here I am...

2009-02-08T10:26:00.007-07:00

It's Sunday morning and I will be leaving for church here shortly. I will come back later and enter some more journal. I just returned from my two week meeting with my Bishop we talked for about 15 minutes he gave me some good advice and I listened, he told me I wasn't here in this place just because of chance, and that there was a reason for me being here at this time in my life. I know this is true he also asked how I was doing spiritual wise and I said good it has been a very good two weeks I have done my best except for one day i was lazy and didn't read or do a whole lot. I finished First Nephi finally seems like I have been reading it for years, but I am moving on. I read every morning at least a chapter or less. My bishops other bit of advice that he told me if I am to date or get married again I should for sure hold out for quality women he followed that up with if I look in the trash that is what I will get is just that trashy women. Meaning women with low morals, and standards who are no good and aren't looking to be married for time and all eternity, but just want what they want for now. My own opinion of myself is that I am a quality person and I know that if she out there then I will find her or God will bring us together, if I haven't already met her. Like I said I have met some quality women I was just silly and let them all go because of some wrong decisions on my own part. There is nothing better than a great come back as I see it though, which I'm all about. I am going to hold out for a good woman who thinks highly of me and of herself and does want to go to the temple or at least has the desire to do so in the future. I haven't really pursued anyone lately still working on myself. Anyway I think I beat that one into the ground. Some other things that have happened are I coached two basketball games Thursday night for our schools teams, and it was also my little Minnie Me's birthday. His name is Justus I will be writing to my boys later on after church. The reason why I call him my Minnie me is he looks just like me with his moms body. When I walked in the door at Mindi's to give him his gift I was so tired but still in a good mood it was just good to see him and Bubzy up. They were running around in there little underwear and showing me things like his b-day toys. Justy came running up to me and gave me a big hug like he always does and hollers Daddy! I love it when he does this, even though I don't show allot of emotion I feel it and I hug him back and ask him how he is doing. Mindi was there as well I signed his card it is a Star Wars card that you open with Yoda on the inside and when you open it it plays the star wars theme music. His face when he opened it and read it made it all worth it. I woke up that morning at 4:30am and couldn't go back to bed. Like I said though his face made me happy and then I gave him his present I bought him a Nintendo DS. After him and Bubzy opened it and started playing they kinda forgot me I got to talk with Mindi we had a nice conversation I didn't stay long. I went in and kissed Jewel on the hand while she was a sleep, but she almost woke up so I had to leave quick don't want to wake her she would have cried, she is such a princess, I absolutely love it, she is my soft spot so I don't like to upset her one bit if she cries it breaks my heart or I get upset someone made her cry. I have never once spanked her this may come back to bite me in the bottom but this is how I treat her so I will deal with those consequences when the time comes.

Let see other things that are going on I had a super good week at school. I found out I will be getting classes paid for this summer and fall if I choose to go and will most likely go back into the program at Northern Colorado University for School Administration/SPED directorship, which is good it is a double Masters degree when I finish I will be licensed in five areas of education. Some people make fun of me for getting so much education but I like it I'm not a nerd but I am good at it. My petition past in school for some classes I needed to workout. I applied for a couple of counseling jobs in other school districts and will be applying to Utah Valley University as a adjunct instructor to teach community health like three times a week. I am trying right now to see what I am going to do for this summer (3 months away scary) for work I need to revamp my resume today at church one of the guys who is super nice to me said he is a job specialist and is an expert resume builder I was like whattttttt are there angels flying around here I am re-doing my resume right now for jobs next year and the summer so he is going to look over my resume and help me to make it look better. I also found out my loans will be processing and if they don't Mindi told me a place where individual owners of cars accept payments for cars they can't pay off so I'll be back on the road again. My work has asked me back next year which is good they want me to sign a letter of intent to come back but I am going to shop around and see what is out there counseling wise.

I have been trying to mend some relationships with people and I suppose they are all going well. Mindi is in a serious relationship with someone he seems to be a fine fellow and she is happy with him. We talked the other night just about some random things it was good so that relationship is good. Lisa I have decided to call only on Sundays because we are hit and miss if I try to call so I decided to just set a time to call and check on how baby Autumn bottom is doing. She is also in a serious relationship and seems to be very happy with a good guy so no worries there. As for Ash we have been texting and chatting and just working on our communication so things are good between us so things are getting better there. As for my brother we are good once again and as for my old room mate he is calling and texting again so that is good. So everything seems to be going well. Work, Education, Church/Spirituality, Relationships, Babies, Exercise, and whatever else there is. I always say this even though I may not deserve it I am very blessed and I know that God is watching out for me. When I walked away from school because of my second divorce and dropped out of the program I mentioned above. I thought it wouldn't ever work out again but it has and I am so grateful it has. Again thank you to all the people who have helped me you know who you are. I am going to take a Sunday nap now and come back and write to my boys later, until then.

This Weeks Happenings!

2009-02-01T09:21:00.003-07:00

Well it's Sunday morning around 9:30amish I'm typing in my blog, just got out of the shower and am getting ready for church. I will be attending Brent and Cheryl ward again this week well since I'm working with my new bishop to get my spiritual side back in order I will be staying put for a while. It's a nice family ward some what young with a ton of toddlers all over the place. We usually sit way in front not my thing I'm usually a back row Joe when it comes to church.

Well the things that happened this week; lets get to them. First and foremost I had an excellent week self discipline wise. What I mean by that is I did allot of praying, scripture reading, self exploring. I did some networking this week and found out about two opportunities for program that will be happening January of 2010 and August of 2010 one of them I had to drop out of before because of my divorce and I couldn't handle it at the time, but they invited me back for the start of their new program this January. This program is Educational Leadership/Special Education Director program I would be getting a double master with licenses in both, and the program is all online so I can work and still go to school without the hassle of going to class. The other program is still developing at the U of U so I will keep networking to see what turns up. As for work it was really good my principal treats me really well and I seem to get along well with all my co-workers the other day one of them brought brownies around to all of us it was nice. I started the counseling part of my job which is nice I like to talk to students and see how they are doing and how I can help. As for my physical side I went jogging three times this week and did my morning routine every day and worked my wimpy little stomach everyday, but my stomach is flat and the running should help more and I will weigh over 215 which is good I thought I would loose but I guess I gained weight from the running and stomach stuff. I am still reading allot every night and and when I have time. Right now I'm going through the Miracle of Forgiveness its been good for me. I can honestly say I live a good week spiritually and didn't do one thing wrong in thought, deed or anything else so I must be doing something right I can go to church in sit in front of the bishop and my kiddos and their moms and say I lived a good week. As for being with my babies it's my Mini-me's Justus's B-day is on February 5Th. I took all of them down to Provo and we ate at the Pizza Kitchen by the dollar movies it was way yummy. I love being with them and taking them out and loving them they are my main motivation in life and they don't even know it. We had artichoke chicken pizza, Barbecue chicken, and 2 large Cesar salads. I had Mindi's baby Angel with us and Brent's boy Christen. We were gonna add a movie in, but after I got the girls in and drove a little ways they were already out. So I just drove them home and called it a night and came home myself it was like 9:30 or 10pm. I came home and watched invincible. A couple of things that happen this week that I may have mentioned is my sister had a baby. my older brother started texting me and My old room mate texted me. It may never be the same with them, but I hate to burn bridges and when I was with them there were some good times and they both helped me out so I will still talk to them even though it may be different. I'm just looking to live a better life and rise above mediocrity and set myself apart from the world I don't ever want to go back to not being good, feeling good about myself i know how that feels and it sucks to say the least. As for my dating situation and social life it is pretty much non-existent right now but that is OK I need to work on my self and in the future If I meet someone I will step out of my skin and ask them out if the opportunity comes that is. I ended up loosing some really quality women and I don't want to do that again. I don't want to go through that again that was a bummer at the time it all happened. I would go out with them again, but I think that time has past, but who is to say God will direct that path. Well this is all I have today my next entry will be to my boys Bubzy and Justus. Till then peace out.

My Simple Life

2009-01-28T18:42:00.005-07:00

The picture to the right is looking out my window every evening I get to see the sunset. The picture on the left is looking to to the east where I get to see the sunrise. Well I called this entry a simple life because that is how my life feels right now. I usually get up at 5am and role out of bed, notice I didn't say jump cause I would probably tear something j/k. I then go through my little routine I've come to find out routines are good for things like preparing for the day. I take a look at my my classes as of right now I am teaching three different classes who would know I could do something like this I didn't. Currently I teach Health which I am licensed to teach in my other two classes are Pre-Algebra, and Algebra one. So I read up on these to get a better grasp of what I think is important for my students to learn. I next shower usually a very hot shower it helps to loosen up my tense muscles. After I get out I go right to stretching and doing stomach exercises (bringing back the pack)I rotate between the two this also relieves tense muscles and stress that may be built up while at the same time listening to my myspace music I have saved on my profile. After this is done I read scriptures, a little book my dad gave me like 10 years ago that I kept it has to do with AA better known as Alcoholics Anonymous I think it's titled 24 hours a day after that I don't really have a problem with alcohol but I think it is a self building book so I use it for that purpose. I read this book called Native Wisdom it's a collection of what the different chiefs from many different Indians tribes have said about ten different topics. I usually say my morning prayer and get dressed after all this. By this time it's usually 7am so I hurry and eat some cereal which I never use to do but I'm trying to eat breakfast now to be more healthy then I brush my teeth fix up the Doo and mouth wash and I'm good to go to work. I bought some decent dress clothes for work so I try to look pretty dapper. This is just morning routine I'm not going to go into my school schedule it's to crazy all the things I have to there lets just say I get it done. At my school I'm also the School Counselor why was I blessed with so many skills sometimes it's is super hard keeping up with all the demands. On the flip side I'm glad I'm not sitting around on my butt doing nothing. Other things going on since I last wrote is that Brent and Cheryl have colds I'm just hoping I don't catch it. I have started to go jogging, right now it is very nippy outside due to winter time the other day I didn't know it but I went jogging in 18 degree weather and no I'm not crazy. Last year during this time I weighed 255 now I weigh 210 which is a major change I feel a lot better. I haven't been to the gym in a couple of months, but when I get back to there it's over I promise that to myself if you see me on a magazine don't be surprised j/k I can be a dork sometimes. Let see other events my babies are coming to spend the night this Friday I am of course excited about that I usually just come home and sit and prepare for the next day or grade papers so no social life right now. It is a nice break from the outside world I figure God knows what is best for me and this break is doing me good. Other things going on are my sister is having a baby as I write this I just got off the phone with my mom who is super happy about it. My sister hasn't had a baby in 10 years all I can say is WOW! She told me she forgot what it was like and couldn't even remember all the feelings of her births (You go sis). Again this is my simple life really not much to it. I know things will pick up I just hope I'm ready for it all when I start back to school soon, get a Range Rover so I can fit all my kids in there. Then off to the gym and more I am planning on adding a second job as well to teach at one of the college now that I have my Masters so life will be plenty busy in the future not far off I'm thinking 2 months at the most. I'm not a super good blogger but most of this is just a journal for my babies so they can see what I was doing in my life while I was away from them. In final i am still very blessed to be where I am now and I know that. I have good people in my life that care about me and love me. This time a year ago I was in Oklahoma with no job wasting time really doing nothing I was just running from everything. So a lot has changed in the past year concerning my circumstances. I have to consider myself very blessed I know for sure I don't really deserve everything I have or will have in the future, but like I said God must think I am worth it. I am going end here for now.

Excitement in the Air!

2009-01-25T18:42:00.004-07:00

Finally, I don't know why yet but I am so excited from today. Today I sat down with the bishop of my new ward and met about me getting fully reinstated back into the church. I haven't been living the best way in the past(key word past). I won't really go into detail. I do regret what I did and am finally moving on and forward. I was attending a ward where my Bishop was just dragging his feet when I tried to meet with him several times it was very frustrating to say the least. Today I went to all three of my meetings, sacrament, sunday school (gospel essentials), and elders qaurom, one of my New Years resolutions. I was feeling a bit skeptical because of the experience I had with my last bishop about talking to my new bishop. Well I set up the meeting 15 minutes after church ended and when I got there he pointed at me and said you set up a meeting I'll be right with you. I tell my kids at school to be optimistic but for some reason I wasn't being so optimistic again from my past bishop I thought I was going to get the run around. Instead when he was ready, we got right to the point I told him why I was there and within 15 minutes I was walking out the door with a detailed plan of what I had to do and where this plan would get me, and that it was all up to me and if I failed we would be back to the begining. Even though this is my first full day as I see it I am so excited I took the time and did it finally and it felt like he knew exactly what to do and what I needed. So now it is up to me to follow through and finish in about 10 month I may be back dippin in the chilly water of the baptism, can you say good going Jason please anyone j/k.

It has been tough making it this far. I have been through 2 divorces, no not just 1 I said 2, some of us have to learn the hard way. Both of my ex's are dating someone now I guess they are good guys and its kinda sad but atleast they are looking for happiness. I was just dumb enough not to do things right while I was with them ugggh Jason, but I'm done beating myself up over all that stuff. After my second divorce I was severly depressed I had to drop out of school and move back to Oklahoma and live with my mom for 11 months. A couple of months ago I was literally dumped by the women I was dating all at once, in a single bound again my fault uggghhh Jason. Then my car breaks down and I have no transportation. I was really bummed out about that.

So 2 divorces both hurt really bad the second one was even worse. I had no job to pay child support or no way to go see my baby girl in Dallas. Both of my ex's are dating other guys now. I could verily go see my kids in Eagle Mountain(can you say no money). I Got into it with my brother on New Years haven't talked to him since. I moved out of my old roommates cause I needed a change, he hasn't called since. My dad almost died in a major car accident I was bummed out about that, but he is recovering. My car breaks down and is gone now so no transportation. All the people I was dating walked away and don't call or stay in touch and basically gave up on me, my fault again dang they were hot too uggh. You kinda getting the picture here, it's looking bleak to say the least. So I was in bad need of some changes you know what I'm saying, could it get any worse people, well here come the changes. Miracles do happen everyday.

I finally graduated from my Masters program. I finally got a job that I love, and now I feel appriciated to some degree (finally getting paid). I can start paying child support. I moved in with an older teaching couple from my work, who I can talk to and they treat me good and respectful. Where I live is close to my work in a new home, and I live closer to my beautiful babies except Autumn, but now I can afford to go see her. I'm in a new ward now and my new bishop is all about helping me get my spiritual life back in order 10 months (you go boy). I found out that my school had money to pay for more classes so I can take more classes and set myself up a doctorate program in the near future, I'm thinking like in about a year and a half. I still don't really have anyone to date, but I do have good friends who have recently started contacting me again like my old foster family, and my friend growing up in Parleys 6th ward his name is Dan. Through Facebook I have reconnected with 3 of my good friends from my University of Utah married student housing days. So to me this is a excellent beginning I'm glad I kept moving forward. it was hard when people walked away and stopped believing in me, but I guess God thought I was worth it. Deep down inside I never gave up but just needed sometime to reflect and regroup. From this experience I know what it is like to reach the bottom of the barrel and I never want to go back there ever again. I also want to thank everyone who has helped me on this journey and supported me, thank you God. Well this is my life and where it is now and I'm excited to live it and come back to who I always wanted to be. So much to look forward to YES!!!!!!

How can I get ahead

2009-01-20T16:50:00.007-07:00

lately I've been thinking about how I can get ahead not of anyone else but how can I progress at this point in my own small life. I'm not looking to be better than anyone else all I want is to be my best self and to do whatever it takes to get there, this is my new goal. Today I watched the first African American being sworn in as president. How President Obama presented his speech was powerful and uplifting, it sure struck a cord inside of me. The past month I have been slowly progressing and feeling better about my inner self because I'm the one who has to answer for my own decisions, and has to look in the mirror everyday at myself and ask did I do all I can or could today, this day that God gave me to live. I owe my best to my babies to be the best dad/example/friend someone they can count on, to my students to be the best teacher/school counselor and example.

In life I believe we have the petty things that can literally hold us down if we let them these petty things can add up to much more than just small petty things. I don't want to get caught up in all this, but it can happen with people who have small minds or are unwilling to look at the bigger picture in life. I have had enough life experiences, education, wisdom and knowledge to recognize the differences between petty things and priorities. I believe if we have our priorities in line and are committed to them then we should be fine.

About three weeks ago I was literally down in the dumps I thought after graduating with my Masters and getting a job that pays me Salary I would be happy well I came to a real quick realization that these aren't the things in life that make a person happy but are accomplishments in themselves that can help a person progress, but only in certain ways. Now that these goals have been accomplished I have been looking into other ways of progressing in my life after this life changing experience it was nothing big but the feeling of emptiness and loneliness was to much for me and I am not a person who likes to stand still because if your not progressing in my mind then you are digressing, which means moving backward. I like to look at progressing as things that fill us with peace, love, and joy. How do I do this? I believe in balance, balancing the spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and temporal things in life. Is there a fine line to over doing it of course there is for instance, thinking you are to good because you are more educated or thinking you are better because you look healthier than someone else.

To me it's not just good enough to be less evil than someone else but to truly have good intent and follow through on good decisions and as I have said before if I can make someone elses life better by touching their life in a positive way then why not do it. Why settle for less than what i want in life or what I am capable of. It's not good enough to just stretch my muscles, but to use them in ways that will build me stronger physically. Emotionally it's not good enough to just think about things but to seek help in sorting out things from the past so the future can be better and to talk to someone about these things. Temporally it's not good enough to just live and buy for the minute when I have children to help and support the rest of my life.

I have decided to take the time to list someways to make my life better all around and to find that balance that allows peace, love ,and joy. I know its possible and I'm glad I am coming back to myself again and finding happiness after all these years. I've been blessed with good skills, people around me, resources, talents, abilities. So let see what happens with this mind set so I can see how I can get ahead.

Only to you

2009-01-18T15:33:00.009-07:00

I just came home from church and decided I would watch the rest of the movie "The Notebook". It's about a couple who falls in love early in life and through parents and other things have been taken apart for a while I'm not sure how many years. A couple of nights ago I watched a movie called "August Rush". Again in this movie a family is seperated and brought back together through love and hope. I just wanted to write some of the thoughts of my heart because in some ways I feel the same way about somethings that have happened in my own life. This is to a certain person I won't name any names, but I just felt overwhelmed and thought I would write it to you.

When we both needed someone I believe God brought us together and we shared the best of times together. We didn't have any money what so ever, but we had each other, and at the time that is all we needed. We grew to love each other and it seemed like we spent every waking minute together laughing, loving, and cuddling with each other. I regret doing the things that broke us apart, I will always regret this as long as I live, because now I never get to see you or hold you or even talk to you. You were mine at one point and you showed me what it was like to love a woman and know that she was the most beautiful thing in the whole world to me. If I never kiss or touch you again know that I loved you with all my heart, and that is what matters to me and that i'm sorry for what I did and i'll tell anyone this. If I had one wish that God would bring true, it would be to bring you back into my life and be my wife again. I miss you like crazy, I still hurt from what I did and I hope someday you can forgive me. I know I messed up, I have cried it seems a million tears thinking about you and how I miss you and I have said a thousand prayers asking God to forgive me and my heart truly does have pain in it from this, it overwhelms me. I also want you to know how much I appriciate what you have done for me and how you helped me and talked to me and supported me all I can say is thank you, for me this is not enough not even close to enough. I haven't met anyone that has filled the void that you left when you left my life because of what we had and i'm not sure I ever will. In my mind I still want to call you my love, my friend, my everything because I wish and hope that you might still have some feelings for me. You showed me how to love and what it takes and that money and degress mean nothing if you don't have someone to share it with. You taught me that it was the little things that matter the most it's to bad I had to learn these things the hard way. I hope that the man that gets you as his wife loves you even more than I did because if he does then he'll never let you go and he'll always respect you and care for you the way you should be cared for. Again please forgive me i'm sorry for everything that I did to hurt you. You will always be in my heart and if we should never be again, then I will always be grateful for the time we had together, and the time that God gave us to be together, and that he brought you into my life.

To my Love, forever and ever,

Jason

To my Beautiful Princess

2009-01-17T15:14:00.002-07:00

Is't your second birthday and I wish I was there to spend it with you. It's been a while since I have have held you in my arms and loved you or even talked to you. I didn't know our distance and time would be like this, but this is your day and I want you to know your dad loves you with all his heart. Soon I will again see you and hold you and talk to you and show you that I care and love you. Never give up on me, never look down on me if you do then that is when our love begins to fade. Your mom has done an excellent job of raising you by herself and I respect her more than she knows for taking up this responsibility. She is a very honorable woman in that way and many others, and I hope you learn everything good about her and make it a part of yourself. I named you Autumn because in my life your name represents change and a new begining. It is a clean, pure name that is beautiful, many people don't see it this way, but if they knew my heart that is what it means to me and that is where it came frm my heart, and this is why I named you Autumn. Your middle names come from your grandmother on your Indian side of course. She also loves you and we can't wait to see you again very soon. From this point on you will never be out of my life for long, because I am making the changes nessasary in my own life to be apart of your life. I have your picutres around my room along with your other sister Jewel, and your two monkey brothers Jason Jr., and Justus. They know of you and look at your pictures and wonder when they will see you and I tell them soon. Your all mine and I will tell you like my mom told me and that is I love you all equally, but I will always treat you like my princess. I hope you get everything you want in life that is good and everything that helps you to be a strong powerful woman that loves God and his son Jesus. You are only a baby now and this will make more sense as you grow older, but for now just know that your dad is always praying for you, always thinking about you, and will always be on your side no matter what, such as my mom and dad have been for me. Again this is your birthday, happy birthday my love.

Love, Dad

What a Day!

2009-01-14T20:50:00.002-07:00

Today was one of those days where it made you glad for all the good days that happen just when you think things are getting better you get hit by another big whamy. What happened well my car is no longer working and I don't have the money to fix it. Even if I did it wouldn't be worth it so I am witout a car now and it sucks. Today I taught my kids about stressors like everyday problems talk about living through personal experience on how to deal with them. Well I guess I should look at the postivies but this one really bummed me out big time talking baout being at the bottom of barrel feeling wise, well this one took me right back there real quick. So what am I to do now well I live with a couple from my work so they can give me ride to and from work. Other than that I am at home the rest of the time until I can save enough money to pay on a car hopefully someone will sell me something or atleast let me make car payments. I really don't have anywhere to go but I do need to help with my kids not sure what is going to happen with that. I have asked my brother for help but we haven't been on the best of terms lately so we'll see what he says. It been a challenge lately I knew they would come testing me I still belive things happen for a reason and if this is one of them I definitely have learned from it. If I were to count my blessings I would name first and foremost my kids no one believe me but at night when I go to bed I think about all of them. The next blessing is I still can pray and have a relationship with God he said he would never leave me and always walk beside me. Well right now is one of those times I could use some comfort and wisdom because the past few months have been pleny tough to say the least. It seems I have pushed everyone away my brother, my old room mate Mike, the women I was dating, now there is no one left. As I sit in my room I think I do still have my health, my job, my babies, some friends here and there, but other than that things seem really bleak. I know things will get better but it is hard to take it sometimes. I feel all alone alot of the time like no one cares. Today I came home and cried my mom said that osmetimes its good to cry and to let it out so I did. I prepared all my lesson for work and taught my butt off it felt good then this thing happened with my car as if things weren't bad enough. All I can do is breath and take time to think about how I guess it could be worse. Even in these humble times I have been blessed with alot. It will take sometime to make it back from this event but I'm sure I will. I'm just bummed out about the whole situation. Yesterday was so good I did my job even went to pick up my boys I fed them helped them with their homework and even had sometime to talk to them and be with them before I took them to their babysitter now I can't even do that due to no car. Although thier is no one left I do live in a good place with good people now and I do have a good job and I can go to church and my body is still healthy. I know I will get another car but this one was with me from the beginning its just hard to see it go owells. Well this is all I will be writing for tonight till later. Jason Wynn Kemble Senior

Turning over a New Leaf!

2009-01-11T13:46:00.008-07:00

Well it is Sunday I just came home from church had some homemade burritos and am doing some laundry. Our church time has changed from 1pm to 9am. I got up around 8 and got ready and made it to sacrament just in time. As sacrament ended I wanted to talk to our bishop and luckily for me he stayed seated. So I walked up and sat right next to him on the stand and asked him how we could get things going church wise. I have been going to only sacrament for the last year since I have been back in Utah well I should give myself more credit than that. I have attended Sunday school a few time every now and then. My reason for talking to my bishop was to get my spirituality back in order and to feel better about my life as a whole. It is my new years resolution to go to all three classes of church which I did today, so proud of myself, I know silly. I almost wimped out on talking to the bishop but when I saw him just sitting there thinking I thought I better take my opportunity and I did. Then one of the women from the ward who talks to me, who teaches Gospel Doctrine asked me if I would be attending Sunday school and I said YES I will be attending today and I did she calls me back row joe cause I always sit in the back. Again priesthood was next and I almost wimped out again, but I mustered up the courage and went. I even got up and introduced myself and said I was going to start attending and that I am working on getting my life back in order or turning over a new leaf. Most people wouldn't have said this but I think oh what the hell they all notice me sitting there in sacrament I might as well be upfront about it so they don't have to guess.

My reason for turning over a new leaf is because of how my life has gone up to this point. I have made some bad decisions that I regret from those decisions have come consequences that I have had to live through and endure such as divorce not being able to live with my children or see them as often as I would like. Luckily for me this life isn't about making one or two bad choices or in my case many bad decision and you're done. I know that isn't God's plan nor will it ever be. I know the road back to myself and my spirituality won't be easy. I'm sure there will be hard time ahead and bumps in the road, but I feel I have a good start. A lot of people have given up on me from the choices I have made and look down on me. That is their choice not mine, I can't change the past but I can learn from it and do better. I don't have anything to say to those people except that time will tell. I have had a lot said about me concerning my choices I have made and it has effected me in a negative way at first. At the same time though I felt like I had to prove it to myself that I was worth more than what anyone said about me. This is another reason why I have chosen to turn over a new leaf. If nobody believes in me at least I believe in myself and as of right now that is all that matters and that is how I will look at it. Another reason is that if I am not happy with myself then how can I help other such as the students I teach or more importantly my own children who I love. No one has ever walked in my shoes, until they have then how can they judge me only God knows my heart and what I have been through nobody else not even the closest of family and friends. I feel my children deserve the best dad that God has given them and that is me, my family deserves the best brother, son and grandson or friend they can have and that is me. I know what the bottom of the barrel feels like it is lonely, cold, empty and nobody cares at least the people you meet there don't care. I know this is up to me to be the best person that I can be meaning my best self I think it has to do with my commitment to my kids, God, family, friends, and most importantly to myself.

Last night one of the teachers from my job called me and asked if I wanted to go to a dollar movie in American Fork. I don't have many friends so I have asked people if they do something to invite me, so she was nice enough to call and invite me. The move theater we went to is called the stinky shoe because it looks like an old barn they converted into a movie place they only show two movies there. The movie we went to see is called "Forever Strong" it about Highland High rugby. I actually went to this high school and many of my friends played on this team. Well the movie started at 9pm, late for an old guy like me. I got ready shaved/showered and went over to the other teachers house which she rents with other room mates it is a way nice house. Even before I walked in I new this was going to be a goodie goodie Mormon group, again I almost wimped out but I did it and knocked and I could hear Becca holler "come in" of course I was right. I was among a bunch of molly Mormons, but this is apart of the change I was talking about meeting new friends and hanging out with good influences. There were several people who were there and I didn't know anyone except for Becca. She introduced me to everyone and I even was nervy enough to ask her if she had some chili because I know she made some and she was kind enough to offer, it was good and I was so hungry. We didn't stay there long we piled into one car and off to the "Stinky Shoe" as they call it and now I can see why. I have watched this movie before and thought it was just okay but this time I gathered allot of meaning from it. One of the things Highland High rugby players live by is don't do anything to embarrass your family, yourself or others. From some of the choice I have made in my life I can say I wasn't living by this rule but I think it is a good one to go by and I will live by it from now on. In the end it was better the the second time around to see as I looked at us sitting there I was with all teachers in their late twenties and earlier thirties in an old remodled barn that smelled like a stinky shoe. Even though no one knew I was having a great time and was thankful to our Heavenly Father for blessing me with good people to be around I sure needed it. I guess I felt like that guy Kevin Costner on the movie "Dances with Wolves". He had lost himself in war literally his own life. I too have experienced this loss of life just in a different way I lost my spirituality and motivation. He looked for a change in his circumstances and so have I. He was brave enough to go out and be apart of something new in this case it was the Sioux people in the movie. In my own life it is meeting new friends who aren't just friends but are good people. He found himself again and a purpose in life. In a lot of ways this is what I am searching for too it won't be easy but at the same time it might just be fun.

I am at my new place living with Brent and Cheryl. Brent is the main math teacher at our middle school and Cheryl is a sixth grade teacher there as well. I will be putting new picture up soon I just walked outside to take some pictures but my batteries were dead I left the camera on grrr...I have learned I have to be patient with myself as well this has helped me to calm down and breath and to move on even if it takes baby steps. Well I am going to end here for now if you read all this I hope it helps you to see a little bit about my life and what I have been thinking about this is its purpose.

Another Day

2009-01-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well another day has gone by and I have a cold and am very stuffy. I am feeling better, not about my cold but my inner self. This past holidays was hard because of the no family around type atmosphere. Since I'm from Oklahoma my family is all there except for my brother and my three babies. I must admit I was really glad to go back to work and see my students again they are so good to interact with and the people I work with very uplifting. I am grateful/very thankful for the opportunity to have to work in education it suits me well and I think I'm good at it. I will be moving soon down closer to my work in Saratoga Springs, Utah. I will have more of a chance to be aorund my kids. As of right now I live 30 miles away from my job and it takes me thirty minutes to get their every day so round trip I am going 60 miles so lot so of gas and bad roads during the winter. I a nice older coupld has opened their door to me so I am taking them up on the opportunity. I will be close to my kids and work but not closer to my old friends or brother which is sad, but I am ready to move on in my life now that I have a job and have finished school for the time being I am hoping to go back and start on my doctorate in a couple of years. Let see my day today consisted of me getting up 5am to get ready for work I left to work at 6am and got there at 6:30am. I have started to cook dinner in the evenings for lunch it is much cheaper to do it this way because us poor education folk don't get paid very much. As of right now I teach 3 health classes that is what I got my undergrad degree in and 2 pre-algebra classes which I didn't get a degree in but am able to to teach from my math background I had in college some how I managed to get up to calculus II in college. I got off work after our faculty meeting around 5pm and headed out to pick up my boys Jason Jr. and Justus we had a sandwich talked for a bit and then headed out to their babysitters. After this I drove up to Midvale and am home for the night heated up some dinner and watch a little bit of basketball then to my room to write in my blog it is now 3 minutes from 8pm and I am about to call it a night I will do some grading and then call it a night again I am by myself but I feel tons better today except for my head cold. I will be putting some pictures up that are of my kids and other things that may not be related to this entry but atleast you can see some parts of my life and what is important.

A Time for Change

2009-01-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have written in my blog, but I have made it a New Years resolution so I am going to try to stick with it this time. A lot has happened in the past few months since my last entry. Since living in White Eagle, Oklahoma I have moved back to Utah more specifically Midvale. I live with Mike who is a good friend who let me stay with him until I got on my feet which I am very Thankful for. I have been here almost a year now, well this coming February will be a year. I moved back from Oklahoma because I was depressed about my divorce. I moved back to Utah to be with my babies Bubzy, Justy , and Jewel, my other princess lives in Allen, Texas her name is Autumn she is my baby girl. Moving back has not been easy, sometimes it is very lonely especially lately since the holidays have happened. There have been some positive things happen to me since I have moved back, first and foremost I am again apart of my babies lives except for Autumn, which I am going to fix soon enough since I have a real job and a consistent income. I apologize if some of things I write sound so random I just have a lot on my mind. Well back to my accomplishments since I have returned to Utah. I finally finished my Masters in Educational Psychology, which basically is a masters in school counseling. I am proud of this accomplishment because I didn't give up even though times were hard and I had nothing. My grandmother Tiny LeClair spoke to me a couple times and told me not to go through everything I did and give up. I love my grandmother and Honor her words of advice I look forward to hearing her kind voice again this coming month of February. I also look forward to seeing my Autumn, and my family. Another big accomplishment was landing a job I must have applied a to a few places before I ended up getting my job. I work as the School Counselor/Health/Pre-Algebra teacher at LakeView Academy, which is located in Saratoga Springs, Utah and I love it cause I get to make a difference everyday. A question for you, If you could make every life you touched better wouldn't you? This is what I try to do everyday It is not an easy task but I do try my best everyday. I have only been there two months and it has been about a month since I graduated from school what a stressful time. For right now I will end here I hope you enjoy reading my blog from this point on.

Here I am again...

2007-10-22T19:08:00.000-06:00

Well I guess I should have called this the my monthly log but atleast I'm making an effort. Things of interest right now are me going to see the babies in Utah and Lisa and baby in Texas. I didn't know my travel woul be like this but so far I have had a good time and enjoy seeing all of my babies and Lissie pooh hopefully her dad doesn't read this. Anyway some of the things I enjoyed doing was playing with the babies we had hot soup outside on ther balcony. Now that my life has made this turn I notice all the little things and apprciate them that much more. As for something fun I did with Lisa and baby Autumn is we went to a yummy resturant in Dallas it was Italian yum-o big time. As of right now in my life I'm very greatful I have a chance to see all of the babies as often as i want but I think there may be a time where I am not so lucky so I will rmember this time as a time of growth. I am not much of a writer except when I want to be other than that I want my babies and LIssie poh to know them I love them very much and adore all they do.

My first entry

2007-09-27T11:37:00.000-06:00

Well I'm finally here my Lisa and Baby Autumn Bottoms is on Here so here it goes. My purpose or intent is to write about the day to day happening or eventful things in my life. My resoning for this is because someday i would like all my babies to know what I was doing while they were maturing. I think for now this may have to just enough I have several things going on so I will write later.